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Effective Long Term Parenting: Why Rewards and Punishments Don't Work

A talk by Gina and Coy Heath
Co-Founders/Directors, Radiant Wholeness Coaching and The Purpose Collective

Speaker expertise

Lean-In, Mindfulness, Meditation, Spirituality, and Compassionate Communication (NVC)


Long term, what values are you hoping to instill in your children? In the mean time, how do you create an environment that fosters the cultivation of these values?

For us, as educators and parents, the answer is intrinsic learning.

However, what supports your kids to intrinsically value things such as nutrition, cleanliness, learning, generosity and so on?

There is a Huge difference between being able to force your children, using punishments or rewards, to do certain things, and instilling an intrinsic value around those things.

Punishments and rewards are actually a distraction from intrinsic learning, and teach instead about obedience, external judgements, and control. This creates an authoritarian or “Power Over” relationship between parent and child.

In this presentation, we discuss how to create a collaborative or “Power With” environment that supports childrens’ intrinsic learning about the values that will truly serve them, long term.


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